


Five Dorks and a Baby

by KoalSparks



Category: Wander Over Yonder
Genre: AU, Agender Character, Alternate Universe, Drabble Collection, F/F, F/M, Gen, Genderless Character, This is pure crack, a bunch of really weird aliens adopt a random child, dominator shouldn't be allowed small children, judge the title all you want, please don't take any of this seriously, questionable life choices, questionable parenting, redeemed villains, this is really gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2016-04-16
Packaged: 2018-06-02 12:29:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6566230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KoalSparks/pseuds/KoalSparks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of drabbles about a bunch of dorks adopting a child and attempting to raise them. Embarrassing antics ensure.  </p><p> </p><p>none of this is serious. alternate title: Weird Gay Alien Family adopt a child</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Dorks and a Baby

**Author's Note:**

> All of this is crack, please don't take it serious. It's all for good fun!

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“What? No, Wander, you can’t just keep a random baby you just found!” Sylvia objected, shooting her friend an exasperated look.

  
“Aw, come on, Syl! We’ve been looking for days for their parents and we haven’t found anything!” Wander replied, giving Sylvia the best pleading look he could manage. “I’m sure we can take great care of ‘lil Stargazer!”

  
“If we’re keeping the kid, I’m not naming it something lame like that.” Dominator spoke up in disgust. “Do you want to raise a complete loser? I mean, wouldn’t you beat up a kid named Stargazer? I know I would!”

  
Wander gasped, covering the baby’s ears. Well, what he assumed what were their ears. It was a bit hard to tell, to be honest. “You’ll hurt their self-esteem, Dominator! There’s no such thing as a bad name!”

  
“We should name them after someone great.” Hater chimed in. “Like me!”

  
“No one is naming the baby anything, because we aren’t keeping it!” Peepers interjected, trying in vain to get everyone else to see common sense.

  
Sylvia sighed, plucking the baby from Wander’s arms. “I’m with Peepers, it’s better for everyone if we just find the kid’s parents. They must be worried sick by now.” The Zbornak pointed out, grimacing as the baby began to drool.

  
“Hey, we’ve searched like three planets by now. No offense, but I’m pretty sure we would have found their parents by now if they’re going to be found.” Dominator nonchalantly replied. “They’re probably dead or something. Just dump the kid in an orphanage or something. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?”

  
“Maybe we shouldn’t talk about this in front of Stargazer!” Wander said, looking completely horrified. “They might hear you.” He hissed to Dominator, who gave him a rude gesture in return.

  
“Peepers, tell him we aren’t naming Harbinger of Doom something lame like that!” Hater whined.

  
Peepers, looking torn, sighed in defeat. “Sir, we can’t name the baby that either. It’s completely ridiculous! At least pick something semi-reasonable!”

  
“Oooo, what would you name the baby, Peepers?” Wander asked.

  
“Well, definitely not something as nonsensical as your idea. Something like Timothy. Oh! We could always just name them after an element.” Peepers suggested, just oozing smugness.

  
Dominator rolled her eyes, giving the eyeball a look of disgust. “Do you hate this kid or something? I mean, if you’re trying to get them beat up, then great job.”

  
Sylvia, having lost her only ally, sensed she was rapidly losing the battle. “Wander, I know you love helping everyone out, but we can’t just keep every random stray we come across!”

  
“Well, I mean, we already kept Dominator.” Wander cheerfully countered, clamming onto Sylvia’s back to hug her neck. “What’s one more member to our little family?”

  
“If you ever describe us like that again, I’m leaving and never looking back.” Dominator muttered.

  
“So, Harbinger of Doom is a keeper, right? I can’t think of a better name!”

  
“Okay, if, and I mean if, by chance we keep the baby, we aren’t naming it any of those names.” Sylvia sighed.

“Kid is going to end up screwed up as it is. At least give them a normal name. Something like Dorothy, I don’t know. Just anything else besides your ideas.”

  
“Dorothy is a great name!” Wander exclaimed. “Not as good as Stargazer, if I say so myself, but I’m sure they’ll love it!”

**Author's Note:**

> The baby's official name (for now): Dorothy Timothy Bonecrusher Harbinger of Doom Stargazer. No last name.


End file.
